Relationship Problems

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. "You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

* Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.

* If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.

* Set up some rules -- like not interrupting until the other is through or banning phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."

* Use body language to show you are listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you, he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.