Relationship Issues

Relationship Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems. Yet, having sex is one of the last things you should be giving up, Fay says. "Sex," she says, "brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Problem-solving strategies:

*Plan, plan, plan. Fay suggests making an appointment,  but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie." Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. "When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation," Fay says, adding that mixing things up a bit can increase your sexual enjoyment as well. Why not have sex in the kitchen? Sex by the fire? Sex standing up in the hallway?

* Best love guru suggests learning what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List." Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.

* If your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved on your own, Fay recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.